INTRODUCTION

As a child, I remember the FEAR of getting into trouble.  The fear I remember was less about DISAPPOINTMENT, and more from the sting of the chosen tool of PUNISHMENT—paddles, fly swatters, belts, etc.  When my parents finally caught me, I focused solely on the physical RESULT and not the ACT leading to it.  I did not reflect to realize that stealing the candy bar from the local grocer might have caused someone to lose a portion of his or her wages for the day.  I only understood that being “whipped” hurts.  The CONSEQUENCE did not fit the CHOICE, so I didn’t learn much and continued to act on impulse without regard to RELATIVE consequences.  No, I never again stole a candy bar, but I also never RATIONALIZED choices—until later in life when it was almost too late.

Why are certain words HIGHLIGHTED in the opening paragraph?  These are vocabulary words needing definition.  For years, parents misused these words when attempting to MODIFY their children’s behavior(s).  This is why some adults remember being “whipped” or “spanked” as a child, but rarely the act causing the consequence.  This is (also) why some adults remember getting “paddled” a LOT as a child—individual acts were addressed and children weren’t allowed to develop COGNITION, so individual acts were punished daily.

As a former elementary school teacher and a current foster parent, I have developed several proven strategies that EMPOWER children in making rational choices.  Notice I have not used the terms “good choices” and “bad choices,” as I do not believe I can dictate which [choices] are either.  Children should be given the opportunity to experience relative consequences for behaviors to determine if the OBJECTIVES were worth the OUTCOMES.  Children will begin to understand which behaviors are “good” and “bad,” mostly from a few cases of trial-and-error.  After this fundamental understanding is in place, they will develop a rational process of consideration before acting on impulses. 

Please feel free to try out any posted alternatives and post any concerns of suggestions on this BLOG site.  Together we can build a future of contemplative adolescents & adults instead of confused and abused victims only moved by physical stimuli.