The Conviction of Conviction

The Conviction of Conviction

When our children make choices resulting in negative consequences, we institute a relative consequence.  Depending on the severity of the choice, the consequence may extend past a one-day sentence.  Consequences lasting more than one day are very difficult for the parent(s) to maintain and (inevitably) the child will make you question your decision through positive choice making.

DON’T BACK DOWN!  We implement consequences to condition behaviors so our children will learn and grow to independently make good choices.  If we assign a consequence for an action, STICK TO IT.  Children are very MANIPULATIVE and learn very early on how to push buttons to get what they want.  Be careful when assigning prolonged consequences because, if you don’t have the time to manage it, you will lose the impact you are trying to make and the only lesson learned is:  “Mom/Dad is easily manipulated.”  Also, don’t fall into the trap when your child begins to make outrageously GOOD choices immediately following a consequence.  This is NOT because they learned a lesson, but because they are testing your conviction.  Acknowledge the good choice and celebrate it, but they MUST pay RESTITUTION for their prior offenses.

My advice, if you choose to accept it, is to scale consequences to the offense, but don’t make them difficult to manage.  Swift and relative responses are imperative.  If you DO decide to extend a consequence (i.e., grounding), continue this regardless of the other choices being made.  Always remind the children how proud you are of their completing their consequence and for the good choices made, but remain steadfast.

This is very difficult because parents don’t LIKE to give consequences.  I find it terribly hard because I enjoy spending family time with my children doing fun activities.  BUT, the same lifelong, developmental lessons I am teaching while having fun as a family, I am teaching when rendering consequences for actions.  At this critical time of development, I am their parent--not their friend.

Suggestions?  Examples?

Please feel free to share with others you feel may be able to either provide some insight OR benefit from this blog.  Thanks! --David