COOPERATION, COMPROMISE & COHABITATION
We teach our children many lessons, but (3) lifelong lessons we inadvertently teach are:
- How to effectively compromise in a relationship
- How to cooperate with your partner/spouse/roommate, and
- How to tolerate & accept those living with you.
The outcomes of each subject are contingent on the modeling taking place.
It’s hard to sometimes let go of our convictions to make peace, but it’s often necessary. As adults we are instructed to “pick your battles carefully” or “choose only battles you can win.” We are often told that we should not argue in front of children. I strongly disagree with the last two misconceptions of effective parenting.
Argue in FRONT of your children. Argue responsibly. Argue effectively. Argue to resolve an issue, not to prove a point or position of power. Don’t equate “yelling” with “arguing” because the former is unproductive and childish—only demonstrating YOUR loss of control. Show your children HOW to argue and even how to concede. These are important skills they will use for a lifetime.
Demonstrate cooperation in your home. While one parent washes the dishes, the other is cleaning off the table. While one is assisting the completion of homework, the other is preparing lunches for the following day. Talk out your cooperation so your children will identify the collaboration. “While you XXX, I will XX, so we can XXX together.” Acknowledge the assistance of your spouse/partner in front of the children and praise them for their help.
Exposure to these life skills at a young age is very important if you expect your children to master them in adolescence or adulthood. Remember the first time you ever had a roommate or had to live in communal settings with people very different from you? How did you deal with the stress? At work…how do you deal with people much different than yourself?
What do you think?
Change Outcomes.
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