When Your Children Coups

TITLE UNCERTAIN: 

"House of Cards" OR "ThunderDome"

Chaos in the home may result from a hostile and tense atmosphere.  When you had a bad day at work, your tension can be felt by those around you.  Children are the most empathic and act out as a result.  In households with multiple children, reactions are exponential and magnified.  Children feed off another and compete for attention, even subconsciously.  Your domesticated, four-legged friends (especially dogs) also react to behaviors of their human companions.

Unfortunately, when a child has an “off” day, the whole house suffers.  They have not mastered the craft of concealing their emotions and wear their heart on their sleeves.  They know they don’t feel great, but cannot connect to a specific catalyst, so their behaviors continue to escalate with each compounding consequence.  Siblings react to the actions of their contemporaries and relative attention received by parents.  Before you know it, your once peaceful home becomes THE THUNDERDOME.

We’ve found, the hard way, that our oldest son thrives on the attention received during consequences.  The only real solution we’ve found is to have a very explicit, autocratic standard of behaviors and even more explicit and concrete consequences.  We give him an opportunity to redirect himself, but if he is unable, we implement said consequence and send him off to his room to begin his penance.  After a while, we check in on him and remind him what led him to his current situation and give him the opportunity to reflect and identify alternative choices for future responses to stimuli.  This follow-up period DOES NOT last more than 5 minutes or else we risk feeding into his need for attention.  When our five year old daughter reacts to big brother’s bad day, she (too) is provided the same series of interventions.  The house eventually becomes a peaceful one again, but only after everyone is counseled and usually put to bed earlier than normal. 

The key to effective response when kids start feeding off each other:  Removal.  Take them from the shared milieu to a private area as soon as possible.  Otherwise, you'll be cleaning your fan with a damp sponge very soon.

What do YOU do when things get crazy?  How about if yours is a single-parent home?  How does one parent respond to child coups? 

Please post your suggestions and personal experiences.

David